My husband recently told me that I pulled a bait and switch on him. When we met, I was a super social, outgoing extrovert. I could hold a mean conversation. Politics? Yes, I have an opinion! Religion? Sure, let’s chat! Current events? Bring it. I’m totally up-to-date.
And now, I’m a total introvert. I just hide in my house in sweatpants all day doing laundry and wiping butts that aren’t my own.
My social skills have gone down the drain since I had kids. One day I went to a new mom park play date when my daughter was about 11-months-old. I was so excited to be around people who could talk and didn’t drool that I had major diarrhea of the mouth. I knew I was talking way too much when I started divulging intimate details about my sex life (or lack thereof) to total strangers. But I couldn’t stop. It was like I had 11 months worth of crap to say and the poor moms at the park were my dumping ground. It was mortifying.
When you’re home with little kids all day, your social skills get pretty rusty. When you spend 90% of your time with people under the age of 5, the conversation consists mainly of things like, “Don’t climb on the table.” “Stop biting your brother.” “Do you have a poopy diaper?” Not exactly the witty repartee adults expect out there in the big, bad world.
And now that I’m so out of practice chatting with grownups, the only people I feel truly comfortable talking to are my kids. Because it doesn’t matter to them that I don’t know what’s going on with … with … Enron? Oh, was that 2001? See, I’m totally out of the loop. But hey, if you want to talk episodes of Jake and the Neverland Pirates, I’m your girl.