I’m so sick of hearing my pregnant friends complain. “I’m nauseous. My feet are swollen. I’m tired.” You don’t know tired until you have that kid, lady, trust me. Believe it or not, this is as good as it’s going to be for a while, so enjoy!
First-time pregnant women have a lifestyle a new mom can only dream of. For starters, you can go to the bathroom whenever you want to. You can go out to dinner or the movies (if you can still sausage your body into the theater seats). You can shower without someone screaming bloody murder. You can use two hands for all of your tasks! You can sleep in. And if you can't sleep at night, if this is your first kid, you can nap. NAP! I feel half-crazed even uttering the word. You can lie on the sofa and watch TV at noon. You can go on vacations. Once that kid comes, you ain’t going to be doing none of that, so relish it while it lasts.
I won’t scare you with all the details of what you are headed for, but let’s just say you are never going to be number one ever again (and neither will your husband, so you better get him used to the idea as well). Sick as a dog? Who cares, baby comes first. Dead tired? Sorry, baby comes first. Have to pee so badly your bladder is weeping? Too bad, baby comes first.
I suggested some parenting books to my newly pregnant friend last week, and she said she’d get to them when she had the time and energy to read, i.e. after her baby is born. “HA!” I screamed. “Time and energy after the baby is born? Are you insane? This is the most time and energy you are going to have for the next 18 years, sister, so read up!”
But no matter how much you try to warn them, pregnant women just don’t get it. They continue to bitch and moan and schedule their inductions because they can’t wait to get that baby out of them. I say, slow down and enjoy! Life as you know it will never be the same. Don’t be in such a rush. You are standing (swollen) ankle-deep in a tide pool, honey, and you are about to be hit by a tsunami.