So here’s what happens. You meet a dude. He’s hot. He’s smart. He’s funny. You make out. You think, “I wanna have this man’s babies.” You get married and/or move in together. You get knocked up. Pop out a few kids. You get tired. You start fighting. You stop talking. You stop making out … Sound familiar?
But this doesn’t have to happen, people. It doesn’t have to be that way! Here are my 5 tips for how to bring the sexy back into your marriage:
- Laugh. Life is freakin’ insane when you’re a parent. So laugh. Laugh at life. Laugh at yourself. But especially laugh at your husband. Want to laugh at mine? Check out my essay in I Just Want to Be Alone mocking his incompetence.
- Have sex. WHOA! I know. This is a crazy one. But if you want to bring the sexy back, you gotta have sex. Now, I’m not a doctor, or a sex therapist, but I’m going to give you a prescription anyway. Have sex once a week. I know, I know. But just do it, OK?
- Have a date night. My hubby and I are terrible at this. We went through a little housing drama two years ago (which I HAVE to write about because you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll want to strangle my landlord). The housing drama put an end to our date nights because we were stressed and cash-strapped and exhausted. But dating your baby daddy is so important. I mean, sometimes you have to have a conversation without kids screaming bloody murder in the background.
- Put away the yoga pants. OK, we all know I am a devotee of the heavenly, spandexy, comfy yoga pant. I live in my mom uniform. But sometimes you gotta get your glam on and slap on a skirt and some lipstick. It’ll be good for your marriage. And it’ll give you a chance to pop those nasty yoga pants in the washer.
- Go away for a weekend. This one can be virtually impossible to do, but if you can sucker someone into watching your kids even for 24 hours, DO IT! My husband and I went away together for the first time in 5 years and the strangest thing happened. We were all like, “Ermergad! I like you. I actually really LIKE you! I … I maybe even LOVE you!” Spending a night away from your life suckers will remind you why you wanted to get knocked up by this dude in the first place. Just be careful, you might get knocked up again.
And that’s some serious marriage-saving s&*t right there, folks! Now if I could only FOLLOW my own advice, I'd be in business …