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10 Things I Said to My Son in a Public Restroom

restroom-imagePublic restrooms are nasty places. Add kids to the mix and they become downright hazardous. Why? Because somehow kids can't quite grasp the concept that they're in a Hazmat zone and not the nice, clean(ish) comfort of their own homes.

Here are 10 things I said to my son while we were in a disgustingly dirty freeway rest stop bathroom:

    1. Don’t sit on the floor.
    2. Don’t lie on the floor.
    3. Stop rolling on the floor!
    4. EW!!! You’re touching the potty with your privates! Stand back!
    5. Yes, those are feet. Wait … stop … please don't crawl under the door. Let go of her ankle!!!!! Sorry, ma'am!
    6. Don't unlock the door. Why? Because I don't want the whole world to see me peeing … Oh, hello ma'am.
    7. Don’t stick your tongue on the sink. I highly doubt it tastes like ice cream. STOP LICKING THE SINK!
    8. Please don’t clean the sink with your hands. The sink is for washing your hands. Not making them dirtier.
    9. Just take one paper towel. You don’t need 400 paper towels to dry your hands.
    10. No that’s not a mailbox! It’s for … mommy things. GET YOUR HAND OUT OF THERE!

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Comments

  1. Tanisha says

    August 19, 2014 at 8:52 am

    OMG I have said quite a few of these same things to my boys! I am always telling them to put their hands in their pockets in an effort to prevent them from putting their hands ON or IN anything! And the paper towels!! I am right there with you!

    Reply
    • Deva says

      August 19, 2014 at 9:00 am

      I know! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told my son to NOT TOUCH ANYTHING when we go into the bathroom. He never, ever listens. Sigh.

      Reply
  2. Teresa says

    August 19, 2014 at 9:08 am

    Public bathrooms…. The enemy of a momma… And the best friend! 😉

    Reply
    • Deva says

      August 19, 2014 at 12:50 pm

      Truth!

      Reply
  3. Maggie says

    August 19, 2014 at 9:13 am

    I love this! We have been calling my daughters the “potty twins” since they were 4 years old because for some reason we could not go ANYWHERE without seeing the bathroom there… Cause one, or the other, or both had to go at every public stop! This cracked me up! Can’t wait to start my so. On potty training, I’m sure I’ll be using plenty of these quotes!

    Reply
    • Julia says

      August 19, 2014 at 10:41 am

      Your SO is potty training? 😀

      Reply
    • Deva says

      August 19, 2014 at 12:50 pm

      LOL- so true. Kids ALWAYS have to use the bathroom. Even in the most disgusting, nasty places!

      Reply
  4. mongupp says

    August 19, 2014 at 12:28 pm

    Haha!

    Reply
  5. Amy says

    August 19, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    Yup.

    Oh, any sometimes “IN the toilet! IN the toilet! Watch what you’re doing! Aim in the toilet!
    No, not on my shoes!!”

    LOL

    Reply
    • Deva says

      August 19, 2014 at 3:15 pm

      OMG, yes!!!!

      Reply
    • Sarah says

      May 28, 2015 at 3:33 pm

      I have said, more than once, “DON’T PEE ON YOUR BROTHER!!!”

      Reply
  6. Kadie says

    August 19, 2014 at 7:48 pm

    Ha! My favorite thing I’ve ever said to one of my kids in a restroom: don’t lick the handle!

    I’ll just let you all guess which handle it was…

    (Side note: my first kid’s doc once told me that by the age of 2 he’d be able to “lick the door handle to a public restroom and not get sick.” He took her theory one step further… But proved her right!)

    Reply
    • Deva says

      August 19, 2014 at 9:20 pm

      LOL!

      Reply
  7. Melanie says

    August 19, 2014 at 7:55 pm

    Lol: a “mailbox” for mommy things! Thank goodness my kids have never reached in there but the rest of your list for me: spot on!

    Reply
    • Deva says

      August 19, 2014 at 9:20 pm

      Yeah, let’s hope they never reach in there. YUCK!!!!

      Reply
  8. JT says

    August 19, 2014 at 9:27 pm

    Nailed it!

    Reply
    • Deva says

      August 20, 2014 at 6:57 am

      🙂

      Reply
  9. Jessi says

    August 19, 2014 at 10:18 pm

    “No! Don’t lick the pools of water off of the countertops! That is disgusting!” or “Don’t crawl under that door! Now, you get back here right now! You better not run out of this bathroom! Quick, can somebody grab that kid running out!” All this happening while I have to cut pooping session short after holding it for hours while in the car, quickly wipe, hoping that there isn’t something else one of my other kids licks as I try to run with my unzippered pants out the door of a nasty rest stop in the middle of nowhere trying to chase after the escapee.

    Reply
    • Deva says

      August 20, 2014 at 6:58 am

      OMG- what we go through as moms! The image of you trying to pull yourself together before your kid escapes is priceless, Jessi! LOL

      Reply
  10. qwertygirl says

    August 20, 2014 at 10:59 am

    My children come out of public restroom with their hands out for Purell because they know that any time they even THINK about a public restroom, Mommy gets out the hand sanitizer and bathes them in it. SO GROSS!

    Reply
    • Deva says

      August 20, 2014 at 1:25 pm

      Smart! My daughter calls it “haniztizer” 🙂

      Reply
  11. Ashley Fuchs says

    August 20, 2014 at 2:32 pm

    “Get your hands off the toilet seat! (And then, immediately following) DO NOT TOUCH YOUR (newborn) BROTHER’s HEAD! (conveniently in front of her in the baby bjorn…)

    EW.SO.GROSS!!!

    Reply
    • Deva says

      August 20, 2014 at 8:15 pm

      LOL- totally! SO GROSS!

      Reply
  12. deeplyboz says

    August 21, 2014 at 9:49 am

    Ha ha ha! I love this list! I don’t have my own kids but am a teacher so can relate. I once knew a kid who would only use the toilet if it was made by armitage shanks!

    Reply
    • Deva says

      December 23, 2014 at 8:15 pm

      Kids are so weird 🙂 And if you’re a teacher you know this times 35!!!

      Reply
  13. Angela says

    December 23, 2014 at 4:20 pm

    Reaches into my purse, pulls out a tampon:

    Here mommy, you can put this in your butt.

    No son , mommy doesn’t need it.

    But your butt is going to……

    Lady next to me must have been rolling.

    Reply
    • Deva says

      December 23, 2014 at 8:15 pm

      Ohhhhh myyyyyy gadddddd. That is classic. And my son totally thinks mine go in my butt too 🙂

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. 10 MORE Things I Never Thought I’d Say Before I Became a Mom says:
    September 3, 2014 at 11:15 pm

    […] “No that’s not a mailbox! It’s for … mommy things. GET YOUR HAND OUT OF THERE!” (Referring to the sanitary waste receptacle in the public restroom.) […]

    Reply

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