My daughter is tiny. Not 5th-percentile-tiny, but tiny, tiny. Like not on the growth chart tiny. She’s apparently so alarmingly tiny that people assume I am a total idiot and don’t feed her.
“Have you tried noodles?” Some random Sanctimommy says at Mommy and Me class. Hmmmm, noodles. Wow, what a brilliant suggestion! Why the heck didn’t I think of that?! Yes, lady, I’ve tried noodles. Considering that’s pretty much all any kid under the age of six eats, odds are I’ve tried freakin’ noodles. Thanks for the unsolicited advice, lady. *SNORT*
Even grandma is in on the game. She’ll call me up and suggest I give my daughter formula. “I got it! Try Similac!” As if that weren’t the first thing the doctors suggested when my baby started to plummet off the growth chart. As if I haven’t been ramming a bottle/spoon/sippy cup down her esophagus for the past 12 months begging her to take a sip.
Bottom line, I’m trying, people. I've tried breastfeeding. I’ve tried formula. I’ve tried noodles. I’ve tried pork rinds dipped in hummus, smothered with corn syrup and bacon fat. I’ve tried everything. My kid is just small. Got it?