1) You’ve dumped a scoop of formula or a squirt of breast milk into your (decaf) coffee because it’s been 3 months since you’ve been to the grocery store for cream. Hey, it’s just powdered milk with extra Omegas, right?
2) You openly talk about your vagina with total strangers at new parent gatherings. How badly it tore during delivery, how many stitches you had, how it’s now totally off limits to your husband forever and ever and ever.
3) You’ve closely examined someone else’s poop exclaiming, “Oh that’s a good one! That totally looks like apple sauce.”
4) You’ve gone to the bathroom with someone sucking on your boobs and you’re not a dominatrix.
5) You’re, YAWN, tired. Really tired.
6) You haven’t changed out of your PJs all day. Even if you had the time/energy to get dressed, nothing in your closet would fit you and you refuse to wear your “due in May” tank top and maternity jeans eight weeks post partum.
7) You have actually developed a taste for cold, soggy food and have come to enjoy eating standing up with a human being Bjorned between you and your next bite.
8) YAWN. YAWN. YAWN.
9) You finally met someone you’d truly lay your life down for. I know you told your husband that on your wedding day, but you didn’t really mean it.
10) You have boobs like Pamela Anderson! Halleluiah!