Kids are cute. So, so, so cute. Ridiculously cute. But sometimes they can be really annoying. Especially when they won’t shut their pie holes. Here are the top 10 most annoying things kids say:
- “MOMMY!” Mommy is an awesome word. The day you become mommy is an awesome day. But hearing “mommymommymommymommy” on repeat makes a mama want to stab her eyeballs out.
- “I’m Not Tired!” Oh reeeaaalllllyyyyy????? So the fact that you’re rubbing your bloodshot eyes and yawning uncontrollably means what exactly? You’re fresh as a daisy?
- “I need …” When said at bedtime “I need” tops the list as pretty much the most annoying thing a kid can say. “I need water” “I need my blankie” “I need another book” “I need my Spider-Man costume” “NO THE OTHER SPIDER-MAN COSTUME” “I need the light on” “I need the light off” “I need another hug” “I need another kiss” “I need another lullaby” “I need the door open” “I need the door closed” “I need the door cracked.” YOU NEED TO GO THE F*&K TO SLEEP!
- “NO!” The day your kid learns the word “NO!” is a sad day. A very, very sad day. (Pause to absorb the sadness.) Once a child utters the most powerful word in the English language, it quickly becomes a favorite and is said in response to EVERYTHING. Even things the little life sucker wants to say “Yes” to. Grrrrrr.
- “Where’s my … ?” As THE MOM, you’re supposed to know where every shoe, toy, item of clothing, book, binkie, random bead etc. etc. belonging to every member of your family (including your husband) is. And the scary thing is, you’ll know where they all are. Because you’re THE MOM.
- “Why?” OK, we all want to foster our kid’s love of learning, but answering “Why?” again and again and again until you have NO FREAKING CLUE why the dinosaurs who ate plants were as big and strong as the meat-eating dinosaurs is annoying as hell. (Mainly because constant “Why” questions show off how dumb our poor mommy brains have become when we can’t keep up with the line of questioning.)
- “LOOK MOM!” Kids want their parents to watch their every move. Which is adorable … and incredibly irritating. There’s only so many times you can watch your kid go down the same slide and shout “WOW! AMAZING! LOOK AT YOU GO … DOWN THAT SLIDE FOR THE 15 MILLIONTH TIME!” Durrrrrrr. (That’s me drooling with boredom.)
- “Are we there yet?” This is one of the most irritating kid questions on earth. And of course it’s always uttered 5 minutes into a 5-hour drive.
- “MINE!” Actually kid, it’s mine. I bought it. I worked for it. You’re lucky I’m letting you play with it and if you don’t share it with little Colton over there, your play date days are gone, baby, gone.
- “It’s not fair!” You’re right kid. It’s not fair. Life isn’t fair. But you know what’s really not fair? The fact that I have to listen to you complain about how unfair it all is ALL. THE. TIME.
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